the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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