I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He did a backflip because drugs
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