I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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