Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk is not a location!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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