I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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