You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
