Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
