didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
