"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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