I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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