Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
