Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
