I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
