i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
