have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
