last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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