Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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