I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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