Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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