Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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