so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
