if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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