Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
