where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
