STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
