just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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