He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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