my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
