dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
