i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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