Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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