How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've blown a few things in my day
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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