Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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