i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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