so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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