then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
