I just cut my nipple shaving
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
