Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
