I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
