five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
