so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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