Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
