i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
