She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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