He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
not ubering you a puppy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
