This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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