FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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