You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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