We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
