You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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