So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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