I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
