He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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