You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
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At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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