She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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