Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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