I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
