you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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