Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
