Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
