then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
