You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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