I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
