I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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