Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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