DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
