Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
