What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
