Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
